OH MY GOD I WAS JUST ABOUT TO POST A LONG ENTRY ABOUT HOW STEPHEN HARPER IS A DOUCHEBAG MORON WHO IS PROBABLY EMBLEMATIC OF WHY, YEAH, ALBERTA’S VOTES PROBABLY SHOULD COUNT LESS THAN EVERYONE ELSE’S BUT THIS PICTURE TOTALLY JUST DID ALL THAT AND MORE.
Luv u, Google Image Search.
Me: OH SHIT. Kim Campbell, I totally forgot to write an entry for you. I’m really sorry, can I make it up to you somehow?
Kim Campbell: It’s okay, everyone forgets about me. I mean, it’s not like I was totally trailblazing and a hero for women everywhere.
Me: Yeah, I know. I feel awful. Are you sure I can’t do anything for you?
Kim Campbell: Actually, yeah. Can you tell Bill to stop calling?
Me: Sure thing, ma’am.
Paul Martin is a part of a fairly prominent Canadian political dynasty (his father was a successful MP and Cabinet Member in pretty much every Liberal government over 30 years.) Unfortunately, not all dynasties are created equally, and Paul Martin ended up being a useless fuckwit who handed the nutjob Conservatives about 100 more seats than they really deserve.
I mean, let’s face it, if Stephen Fucking Harper seems “more prime ministerial” than you do, you’ve made a pretty bad career choice. For God’s sake, Jean Chretien took shits that were more prime ministerial than Stephen Harper.
Jean Chretien is by far the best prime minister of the post-Trudeau era. He will likely retain that title until the Boy King accedes to his father’s throne. So don’t make fun of the way he talks because, as you can see, Jean will fucking choke a bitch.
And fuck your “sponsorship scandal.” Even if he was directly involved with it, who the fuck cares? He kept our goddamn country together and has earned your motherfucking respect. You fuckers better be glad that they went with that, because Plan B was fucking rage. You think Trudeau knew how to amp shit up? Well, guess who he had as motherfucking minister of JUSTICE? That’s right, fucko. He had JEAN FUCKING CHRETIEN. Look at that steely-eyed motherfucker.
Jean Chretien would walk all the way from Ottawa just to track down those separatist motherfuckers and open a can of WHOOP ASS. This motherfucker doesn’t need any tanks, he’d just strut up to the Quebec legislature and kick Jacques Parizeau in the cock. Crisis averted, because Joseph Jacques Jean Chretien takes shit from NO MAN.
Interestingly enough, Brian Mulroney is a protectionist. He just came for the post-summit gangbang.
John Turner (second from the left) is the guy you don’t recognize in this picture. He was Prime Minister for 79 days, after Trudeau decided that he was “sick of this crummy job” and left to go bang supermodels in ski lodges for the rest of his life. It didn’t go so well for John.
Nonetheless, it’s pretty badass that Lester B. Pearson had three future Prime Ministers in his Cabinet. I imagine them just chilling in the sauna at 24 Sussex talking about how they’re going to shape the nation for the next thirty years and laughing about that time Pierre pulled Bob Stanfield’s pants down during Question Period.
Now that Canada Day is over, we here at Fuck Yeah Canada have decided to soldier on with our tribute to the Prime Ministers of Canada. This is Joe Clark (as pictured for the cover of his soul album, Curbing Inflation With Deep Bass), and he served as PM while Pierre Trudeau took a bathroom break.
Clark’s actual term lasted just under nine months, at the conclusion of which, Trudeau regained office and Zooey Deschanel was born (rumors that Trudeau took a break from governing in order to father Zooey, the hipster’s wet dream, are completely unfounded.)
Speaking of which, Joe’s daughter is pretty hot, too.
Yeah, this post had no point. Then again, neither did Joe Clark.
There is quite possibly nothing I can do to make Pierre Trudeau seem more badass than he is in this video. That is how you Yankee fuckos deal with a homegrown terrorist threat. You ride a fucking tank through a major metropolitan city, declaring martial law on your own goddamn citizens. And smile while doing it. That’s fucking metal.
Not only that, the guy’s wife was hot. Canadians not only knew that Trudeau was having sex in the Prime Minister’s Residence, they were fucking proud of it. You think Pat Nixon ever smuggled drugs or partied half-naked at Studio 54? FUCK NO. But Margaret Trudeau did it, because she was AWESOME.
And from their loins sprung the Chosen One of Canadian politics. One needs only to utter the name “Justin Trudeau”, and millions of young Liberal women get wet. There would be nothing I would enjoy more than the gigantic “Fuck You” to Western Canada that Justin Trudeau’s eventual election to Prime Minister would represent.
You just wish you were as cool as Lester B. Pearson. Here’s a short list of “badass things he’s done”:
He did all that with a minority government constantly in danger of being dissolved. Furthermore, he was a noted diplomat helping to found the United Nations in addition to NATO. He won the Nobel Peace Prize for defusing the Suez Crisis, and the Nobel selection committee credited him with “saving the world.” He’s considered the father of the modern concept of peacekeeping.
And on the CBC’s “Greatest Canadian” program, he was voted sixth. That should really be enough to discredit the decision-making ability of the Canadian voting public.
